Before leaving Midwest suburbia to go to New York for college, I was sure that moving to NYC by myself would once-and-for-all prove my adulthood and independence. I'd be all by my lonesome in a big mean city with no relatives or friends nearby, and if I survived, then nothing else in in the world could stop me. I'd have triumphed over everything!
Now, several years later, I've come to the opposite conclusion. All I've succeeded in doing here is hang out in adolescent-limbo and go nowhere. Now, don't get me wrong, living in NYC (caveat: without a big salary) is tough. The most mundane tasks become a huge chore. Want to get a bottle of soda during your trip to the grocery store? Oh no, you can't...you've already bought veggies, fruit, and a couple cans of soup, and not to mention that glass bottle of marinara sauce, and your arms can't carry a 2 liter on top of your 4 grocery bags for the six blocks back to the apartment. Need to do laundry? You'll have to postpone that trip to the laundromat since it's raining...piling all of your clothes into a granny cart and maneuvering it down the sidewalk between throngs of people will have to wait for another day.
[Of course, with $$, there's always alternatives to this. Pay to have your groceries delivered to your apartment (which I now do--I love you freshdirect), or pay for pick up and drop off laundry service. Buy 20 extra pairs of undies. Or better yet, pay to live in a nicer apartment with laundry machines in it, because cheap places don't (which I also now do). But now I'm getting myself too riled up about it...]
I used to think these daily challenges were helping me "grow up." Now I consider them stalling distractions that actually prevent me from growing up. I'm thinking so much about how I'm going to do something--just complete a seemingly simple everyday task--that I just can't think about doing anything else.
NYC usually symbolizes freedom in most people's minds (even with Ellis island aside)--a place where anything can happen and dreams can come true. Yet, I find it horribly constricting. Yes, there is something free about not owning a car and being burdened with payments/insurance/maintenance/etc., but there is also something extremely constricting about only being able to go where the MTA goes. Our friend out in Long Island is having a birthday this weekend, and N and I can't see him because we just can't get there, and we can't afford to rent a car right now.*
There's also that part of NYC. It's one big MTA-controlled bubble, and whatever neighborhood you end up living in is an even smaller bubble. That's why there's a bodega on every street corner and a Duane Reade never more than 10 blocks away. "Everything's within walking distance!" is what supporters say. I say that having those types of things within arm's reach and no options to choose between makes your world that much smaller.
*PS--N and I have both lost our second jobs, so saving for The Move has careened off course. More on that in a later post.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
a little more catch up
One big change to cover before getting back to the move. I'll ruin the surprise with a photo:
One thing that I've always, always wanted, was to get a dog. I heart dogs. All dogs! I grew up with a dog, and a house without the sound of clicking nails on the floor is very empty feeling to me. N wanted a dog, too, though not nearly as much as me, and he always told me that we'd get one once we got to LA. With the huge postponing of our move, though, I couldn't wait any longer.
One thing I was not looking forward to about getting a dog was scouring the NYC animal shelters (I will never buy a dog) to find a right fit for us. I fostered from the shelter system before, and the whole thing is just a huge bureaucratic and stressful mess. But as fate would have it, the stars aligned, and an adoptable dog appeared in our lives through a friend. The one big shocker for us--he was a bichon frise. I know I just said I heart all dogs, but that doesn't mean I don't have ones I especially like over the others. And the ones I especially like are the big ones. I actually have a bit of a soft spot for pit bulls and yellow labs. At the bottom of my list would be designer dogs that overrun New York City: Pomeranians, malteses, mini chihuahuas, yorkies, etc. And yes, bichon frises would definitely make that list. But at the end of the day...I heart all dogs.
So Stewie the bichon frise joined our little family in January. He didn't have a perfect life before he came to us, so he had quite a few kinks to work out. He suffered from terrible separation anxiety (would bark LOUDLY nonstop if he was left alone...for hours, if we let him, which is just not okay in an apartment situation), teethed on our hands, and pulled at the leash. After a solid two months of very regular discipline and training, he's a completely new dog. He trots happily besides us on a loose leash while walking, no longer barks when left alone, and gnaws much less than he used to.
When we first got him, I definitely had a miniature selfish moral crisis. I'm always torn about animal issues, especially with dogs, and I'm 100% pro-adoption. I'm not against breeding, per say, but I am against how most people go about purchasing cute puppies to use as an accessory and neglect later on. Whenever we walk Stewie outside, everyone comments on how he's "such a beautiful animal" and some say they'd like to get a bichon frise, too. I certainly don't want people to go out and spend thousands of dollars on a bichon frise puppy because they saw Stewie. I also don't want strangers to think that I am the type that did that exact thing to get him. I actually want to put a sandwich board on Stewie that says "I AM A RESCUE AND WAS ADOPTED BECAUSE MY OWNERS THOUGHT I WAS CUTE WHEN I WAS A PUPPY AND GOT TIRED OF ME WHEN I GOT OLDER. PLEASE DON'T BUY PUPPIES!" I won't subject him to that, though...yet.
Having Stewie puts an interesting twist on our move. Moving with a dog is harder, of course. We're going to be limited to pet-friendly rentals in LA. We'll have to figure out whether we'll fly with him there, or drive with him cross-country. He's actually very good with long car rides, so he'd enjoy that. Or we could also have him housed a bit longer term with N's parents (who love the heck out of him) and move ourselves, and go back for him later. Lots and lots to think about...
One thing that I've always, always wanted, was to get a dog. I heart dogs. All dogs! I grew up with a dog, and a house without the sound of clicking nails on the floor is very empty feeling to me. N wanted a dog, too, though not nearly as much as me, and he always told me that we'd get one once we got to LA. With the huge postponing of our move, though, I couldn't wait any longer.
One thing I was not looking forward to about getting a dog was scouring the NYC animal shelters (I will never buy a dog) to find a right fit for us. I fostered from the shelter system before, and the whole thing is just a huge bureaucratic and stressful mess. But as fate would have it, the stars aligned, and an adoptable dog appeared in our lives through a friend. The one big shocker for us--he was a bichon frise. I know I just said I heart all dogs, but that doesn't mean I don't have ones I especially like over the others. And the ones I especially like are the big ones. I actually have a bit of a soft spot for pit bulls and yellow labs. At the bottom of my list would be designer dogs that overrun New York City: Pomeranians, malteses, mini chihuahuas, yorkies, etc. And yes, bichon frises would definitely make that list. But at the end of the day...I heart all dogs.
So Stewie the bichon frise joined our little family in January. He didn't have a perfect life before he came to us, so he had quite a few kinks to work out. He suffered from terrible separation anxiety (would bark LOUDLY nonstop if he was left alone...for hours, if we let him, which is just not okay in an apartment situation), teethed on our hands, and pulled at the leash. After a solid two months of very regular discipline and training, he's a completely new dog. He trots happily besides us on a loose leash while walking, no longer barks when left alone, and gnaws much less than he used to.
When we first got him, I definitely had a miniature selfish moral crisis. I'm always torn about animal issues, especially with dogs, and I'm 100% pro-adoption. I'm not against breeding, per say, but I am against how most people go about purchasing cute puppies to use as an accessory and neglect later on. Whenever we walk Stewie outside, everyone comments on how he's "such a beautiful animal" and some say they'd like to get a bichon frise, too. I certainly don't want people to go out and spend thousands of dollars on a bichon frise puppy because they saw Stewie. I also don't want strangers to think that I am the type that did that exact thing to get him. I actually want to put a sandwich board on Stewie that says "I AM A RESCUE AND WAS ADOPTED BECAUSE MY OWNERS THOUGHT I WAS CUTE WHEN I WAS A PUPPY AND GOT TIRED OF ME WHEN I GOT OLDER. PLEASE DON'T BUY PUPPIES!" I won't subject him to that, though...yet.
Having Stewie puts an interesting twist on our move. Moving with a dog is harder, of course. We're going to be limited to pet-friendly rentals in LA. We'll have to figure out whether we'll fly with him there, or drive with him cross-country. He's actually very good with long car rides, so he'd enjoy that. Or we could also have him housed a bit longer term with N's parents (who love the heck out of him) and move ourselves, and go back for him later. Lots and lots to think about...
Friday, July 3, 2009
update
N and I moved in together a few months ago. That helps solve a lot of our problems--our belongings are now already comfortably merged so we won't have to deal with that when the time comes to move to LA. And we also now know...we like living together! We really, really like it! Love it, actually. I guess that's a good thing to know before moving across the country *and* moving in together for the first time. That might have caused a lot of unnecessary stress in that transition. But another great piece of news out of this--now I pay half the amount of rent than I did before! Which means more savings for LA. More soon...
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